An Introduction to the World of the Supernatural

Good day, ladies and gentlemen.  My name is Johan Sebastien Burlap.  My colleague has already written an introduction for me so I shall just skip ahead to what we do at SASR.

Up until a few years ago, the SASR was a small group of fact-checking individuals fascinated and perturbed about the supernatural.  For many centuries, there has been a dark side to humanity and I’m not just talking about the living.  There’s something more evil and sinister lurking about. You may initially scoff at the mere thought, but there are creatures such as vampires, zombies and werewolves that do exist in our world.

Over the decades, the SASR has been researching these phenomena.  Many men and women have put there lives on the line to learn the how’s and why’s of these ghouls and how we may be able to rid the world of these creatures.  Our archives are filled with the knowledge and know-how for what you need in order to hopefully survive and defend yourselves.

It’s been difficult getting this information out to the public due to rampant skepticism among the masses who immediately dismiss this information as “made up junk.”  This is not the case, I assure you.  What you will find is useful information designed to protect you and your loved ones. We have decided to put this information out on a blog for many reasons.  It’s quick, hardly anyone reads a book in this day and age, millions of people turn to the Internet for information.

After his unfortunate run-in with dhampir (half human, half vampires — Mr. Young refuses to classify them as such, only as vampires, but he’s wrong), Mr. Young came to us to be one of the few hunters we have in the group, putting our knowledge to the ultimate test.  He is, as some would put it, “the Man.”

What you will ultimately read are proven facts and procedures that will maximize your ability to stay safe and protect yourselves.  Heed our words wisely.

-JSB

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About sasrguide

I'm 30. I used to live in New Orleans, Louisiana. A vampire killed my family at age 16 and I've been killing supernatural creatures with the aid of the Society for the Advancement of Supernatural Research's Johan Burlap ever since.
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4 Responses to An Introduction to the World of the Supernatural

  1. Mason Young says:

    With all due respect to JSB, Vamps ain’t human. They ain’t even half human. Humans bleed when you stick a wooden stake through their chest. They also scream, cuss at you, and possibly sue your ass for criminal battery, and attempted murder (if they live through the experience).

    Bloodsuckers turn to dust if ya stake ’em. Well, some of ’em do. I’ll get into that tonight.

  2. Captain Freemont Jones of the British Supernatural Corps says:

    I beg to differ, Mr. Mason Young, as if you stake a Dhampir you will be showering in approximately 5-6 pints of blood. The bloody buggers aren’t injured by sunlight, can wear silver, enjoy a good bit o’ the garlic on their bread with a nice pasta supper, and are as strong as the dickens. Anything short of a beheading can leave them alive, and even a beheadin’ won’t be the death of a Dhampir or Vampire if they have compatriots willing to return them to the world of the living.

    So always remember Rule #57 of vampire killing, If you intend to kill a coven nothing short of complete eradication will ensure the safety of your community.

    The worst part is they can procreate, *shivers*. Just think of a little bloody coven of them in your neighborhood walking around you and you don’t even know. Oddly some have been found to be able to subsist on both food or blood.

    A bit of advice, capture them young and they can be trained. They work well as “blood” hounds to hunt down vampires on the run.

  3. sasrguide says:

    The man lost his family to these things, please don’t make light of the subject by saying they can eat garlic bread.

    Garlic has the potential to be harmful. If it’s very concentrated, it’ll irritate them, but garlic bread in a restaurant is hardly going to bug a vampire or dhampir. If garlic was to be ever used, putting a bunch of them into a blender with holy water to basically make “garlic juice” would be a greater weapon than a clove of garlic or a spread on bread. But who has garlic juice anyway…other than myself.

  4. Mason Young says:

    JSB’s “Garlic Juice” is a great defensive weapon. Combine it with silver nitrate and the resulting “Vampire Mace” is something that is standard issue to all research staff and hunters at SASR.

    Captain Freemont Jones of the British Supernatural Corps: I had the SASR R&D monkeys do a bit of Google-Fu on you. Interesting record you have. Former British SAS, certified marksman specialist, hand-to-hand combat trainer for the Royal Guard, and a Black Ops record that would probably have the Crown breathing down our necks if I mentioned it here.

    In the interests of full disclosure to our readers, about an hour after Captain Jones’ post on this blog a phone call hit the SASR headquarters from an unlisted number. It was a representative of Britain’s Parliament asking the SASR to “cease and desist all activities associated with the research and extermination of supernatural entities” and requesting the SASR “turn over all documents, volumes, treatises, or other works containing information on the Supernatural” to the Crown.

    I gave Johan the phone and let him deal with the situation. It was the first time I’ve ever heard him utter something “un-civil” outside three pints at the Hammer and Stake. Made my day.–MY

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